# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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