I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
