He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
