I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
