Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
