im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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