His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
