i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
