We're like a lot better than the average bears
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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