If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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