last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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