Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
