Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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