So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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