...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
