I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
