her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Who died my cat blue again?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
