I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
