I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She even gives head with a lisp.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
