I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize