you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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