I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I want her autograph on my taint
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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