I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
