I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
