We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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