I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
