it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
