We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
