it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
