I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize