so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm both gender and math confused
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
