He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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