He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
