can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This is the high leading the old right now
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We're too hungover to prance.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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