I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
