i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
