i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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