he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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