saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
