i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
