I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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