his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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