I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
