why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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