I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
