The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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