I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
