So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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