When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
