My room smells like vodka and shame
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
