Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
