i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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