I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
