my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
