You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize