JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
