Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize