I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
