Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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