So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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