Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
