If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
