I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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