She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
