we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
