how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
