So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
