So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize