fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
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