Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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