So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I need water and some morals
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
