he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
