so explain again why im purple
no
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
