pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
