She said her name was "party"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
