So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize